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If Narcissists Only Love Themselves, Can They Love Their Kids?

By Nadica | Love and Relationship

Sep 28

Nowadays, we tend to understand more and more about human relationships and the different personalities of people. One frequently mentioned personality is the narcissist.

But, although most people mentioned it, do they know what it means? A narcissist is a person who has a narcissistic personality disorder. What is that?

A narcissistic personality disorder is actually a mental disorder in which some people have inflated sense when it comes to their importance. They have a deep need to be adored, and they lack empathy for people around them.

However, you should know that behind their mask of great confidence actually lies low self-esteem which is vulnerable even to the slightest criticism.

But the most important thing about them is their lack of empathy because it can profoundly influence others. You see, a narcissist is not capable of feeling real empathy.

They are not capable of really loving another person. The sad thing is that this doesn’t change when they have kids.

It is believed that they have no primal instinct to encourage and protect their kid since they do not see the kid as a separate entity, but as a tool, they can use. Usually, they see their kids as possession and extension of themselves.

They do not think that they shall nurture their kids in order to grow up and be great people, but they believe that their kids should do as told since they see them as a trophy.

This is an entirely different environment from a healthy one. A child of a parent who is a narcissist usually grows without a sense of self, instead of being taught about being confident and independent.

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In such a relationship, there are also no emotional limitations. Therefore the kids grows up not really knowing what limits are. The kid might be expected to fill different types of functions they should not have to.

For instance, narcissists are unhappy people that have low self-esteem. Therefore they might unload unnecessary emotional baggage onto their kids, used as a listening ear for the issues of the parents and as emotional comfort.

The problem is that this is something which goes on through the years. During its life, the kid might be expected to be a punching bag, either emotionally or physically.

Over the years this would become harder as the kid ages as they become more aware and stronger. Therefore the parent might counteract this by tearing down their self-esteem.

With narcissists as they grow older, and inevitably their health begins to decline, their self-esteem becomes extremely shaky.

At the same time the kid grows up, becomes powerful and strong, has more self-esteem, and this is hard for a narcissist parent to watch.

Therefore, there is an unhealthy competition, and putting the kid down with nasty comments such as: “You are useless and ugly,” “You are fat.” Also, whenever the kid accomplishes something, their parent takes all the credit for it.

For instance, they might say that their kid is an excellent tennis player, but only because they worked long hours and saved for lessons for many years. This might not be true, but they would still say something like that.

The kid is actually brought up thinking that they have no sense of self and that they do not matter. So are there any consequences later in life for the kids as adults? Kids might grow and discover freedom in their world.

By having more negative feelings linked to their parent, they might be more able to break free and make a new, healthier love for themselves and their loved ones.